Here at Alpha Beta Pie, we pride ourselves in our independence and accomplishments. We like to think that we live active, balanced lives, surround ourselves with driven and stimulating people and are busy enough for a relationship, or even crush on a man to come as more of an after thought to our lives. That’s why the number of perfectly sound-minded women across our city and other cities who are literally losing it over men has recently shocked us. Just as we were beginning to wonder what sort of “crazy” juice women were drinking, we had the great pleasure of meeting a relationship expert and therapist who revealed that, though some can control their emotions better than others, the majority of females (whether they admit it or not) actually have the ability to go into a “crazy zone” when it comes to men, with nothing else in their life having the ability to affect them quite the same.
When we say losing it, we mean losing it. On one side of town a beautiful blonde cries in bed wondering if she’ll ever go on another date; uptown a stunning brunette calls her boyfriend repeatedly (as in 22 missed calls) in a desperate attempt to find out where he is; another top-tier female goes off of Facebook for a week to avoid looking through pictures of her ex who she just can’t delete. Another checks her phone every .45 seconds in case her crush has updated his BBM status. Then there are the girls who are going through breakups and are temporarily insane- crying on the streetcar, becoming physically sick and unable to think of anything but their ex, loser or not. Don’t think the guys haven’t noticed. According to many males with emotional exes, we’re all crazy, right?
Perhaps it is that the prospect of finding true love in this day and age seems increasingly daunting so we place more value in any situation we may find ourselves in; perhaps it’s because some of our peers are at an age where their friends are all getting married; or maybe we have been this way all along. Call it lovesick, love crazy or addicted to love, but we are going to go on limb and say that most females are suffering this ailment or will at some point in their lives, particularly if it is coupled with heartbreak.
We’ve seen it happen to the most levelheaded and confident female. Whether serial monogamist or perpetually single and recently found love, many females have found themselves consumed by certain men at certain times, for one reason or another. For us, any time it has happened, it is simply out of love and adoration for the other person, and a natural desire to want to see him whenever we could, even at the expense of elements of our own lives. Girls in this situation may see their girlfriends less, their job may suffer as their work ethic is affected and they may start seeing their family less in favour of his family.
Not only unhealthy to sustain, this type of situation also makes for a difficult breakup. Your lives have become so intertwined that parting ways can come as a total shock to the system. It literally can feel like the other person has died. The end of the relationship may cause you to go through all the stages of grief- denial, anger, bargaining and acceptance. This process could last for months or even years.
How can we avoid this trap of losing ourselves in a guy or defining ourselves through him?
Maintain standing commitments.
Whether it be a yoga class once a week with girlfriends or a monthly brunch “(Breakfast Club” as we call it) with your tight knit group of university friends at someone’s house, a standing commitment promises you will see your friends more than casually writing on someone’s all or sending a text message exclaiming we “must catch up and grab drinks soon!”
Don’t stop being friends with your guy friends.
We learned this the hard way in an attempt to be almost too crazy loyal to an ex. After all, if you do break up, the male advice of your guy friends (and sometimes even their masculine shoulders to cry on) is necessary and actually healing.
Get dressed up and go out with your girlfriends.
Let’s face it, especially in the winter months and once you get settled in a relationship, you spend more time in sweatpants and with a ponytail that getting glammed up and hitting the town. Sometimes, you need to be reminded of your unique sexiness and beauty. Going out with friends will serve as an ego boost from all the looks you receive and harmless interaction with members of the opposite sex will serve as a reminder that there are in fact other men out there. Just in case.
Take time apart.
We are firm believers in girls and boys weekends for life. You emerge home with your face and abs sore from laughing and refreshed. We loved dating a man who travelled frequently for work because, as much as we loved spending time with him while it lasted, when he was way we got the opportunity to take a step back and do our own thing. When he hadn’t been away for a while we almost wished he had been.
Have your own life going on.
One cannot define herself through a man. Ever. Never forget about your own goals, passions and hobbies.