Listen, we all have lives, families and netflix shows we need to catch up on, but at the end of the day we live in a time when it is easier than ever to keep in touch with your girl/guy gang. I mean thank goodness we’re not sending pigeons anymore, but for all the progress we’ve made as a society, we can never seem to shake this fake friends pandemic. So we’ve divided these subpar friends into 4 categories… and hey, we’re pretty certain we’ve been guilty of these traits too, but we’d like to believe that we at least recognized or attempted to correct our behaviour.
“The Flake Friend”
- This friend is always excited to make plans but come the day all of a sudden the moon is waxing, the tide has turned, pluto is in retrograde and the air pressure is too low so they need to cancel.
- This friend doesn’t really call or text at all and you can’t seem to remember the last time you actually enjoyed each other’s company.
- Yet somehow, this friend seems to always get offended when not included in any plan making … as if they were going to show up.
- We understand that dinners can be expensive, clubbing tiring and play dates near impossible to schedule with all the extra curriculars going on, but it takes nothing to meet at a timmy’s for a tea while little Ava has swimming lessons on saturday morning.
“The Ghoster Friend”
- This friend is super supportive (hopefully) of your life but they only seem to come around when it benefits them.
- They can be identified by not texting back/leaving you on “READ” while posting pictures on social media religiously.
- You can’t wrap your head around it because everytime you are with them they are on their phone so you’re willing to bet they have their phone in their hands as we speak.
- This friend may also be guilty of disappearing for long periods of time when they get into a new relationship (we’ve all been guilty of it but we hope as adults that we’ve figured out how to balance our time better).
- They hit you up with the “OMG I forgot to press send” or the “I lost my phone I’m so sorry” … ummm, yea right.
“The Bad Weather Friend”
- Not to be confused with the ‘fair-weather friend’.
- Aka. NEGATIVE NANCY … the saying “Misery Loves Company” was made for this type of frenemy.
- This friend hates to see you win… so much in fact that they remove themselves from your lives whenever you are finally happy or doing well.
- They are always there to hype you up when you and your man are fighting.
- Are constantly complaining about work/family/other friends whenever you are together.
- In other words, they can only be your friend if they are in a better place than you.
“The Zero PDA Friend”
- This Specimen is what we like to call a low-key hater.
- They claim to be your friend but never show you any love in public.
- And we don’t mean ass-grabbing PDA, we mean social media likes/comments, supporting your new craft/hobby/venture/small business, sharing the love, or just showing up to your event.
- It’s funny how many of our own friends are extremely gifted individuals trying to make a grassroots living and yet we would still rather support billionaire corporations that are killing our earth and poisoning our people.
- Everytime you’ve thought about deleting them off of your feed or contact list you hesitate, but deep deep down you know you should cut them off….