A Beginner’s Guide to Faking Your Way Through the NBA Finals

nba.finalsThe time has come.  In just a few short days, some of the most talented players in the NBA will go head to head in the final series of the post season in hopes to bring home some baller championship rings.  And after a month of some very entertaining (and quite boring) series (cough, Houston, cough), the FINAL teams have been selected; The Cleveland Cavaliers vs. the Golden State Warriors.

And for many of us, with this series will come at least a couple viewing parties where our boyfriends, husbands and partners will gather to watch Steph Curry and Lebron James face off, while indulging in one, two, or twelve beers.

While these parties are a great excuse to #turnup, they may come with some anxiety, because you don’t know the first damn thing about basketball.

Don’t stress. We’ve tapped our resources, and put together A Beginner’s Guide to Faking Your Way Through the NBA Finals:

1. When Stephen Curry (Golden State, #30, Point Guard) hits a three point shot:

“Woah, Steph is COOKING right now.”

This is a classic line to warm up with, and will also appeal to the rap enthusiasts in the room. (See Here if you’re completely out of the rap game loop).

2. When Lebron James (Cleveland Cavaliers, #23, Small Forward) makes a dirty no-look, behind the back pass:

“Is there anything this guy can’t do?”

A simple, but impactful question to propose. Lebron is known for his physical plays, but his monster ability to read the floor and make plays is out of the ordinary for a guy his size and at his position. Key thing here is if you’re asking the question, you don’t have to answer it.

3. When Golden State is down:

“Some playoff experience would really help this squad right now.”

Golden State doesn’t have a single player on the roster with NBA Finals experience. Plus, saying “squad” makes you feel pretty damn cool.

4. When the cameras pan to Steve Kerr (Coach, Golden State Warriors) after a strong Warriors play:

“So…guess he’s happy he passed on the Knicks….”

There was a possibility before the season started that Kerr would go to the New York Knicks. In short, the Knicks had the second worst record in the league. Nice move, Kerr. Nice move.

5. When Cleveland is down:

“Cavs are going to have to utilize their size and get in the paint if they want to start converting.”

This is a great example of saying something without actually saying anything at all. In so many words, Lebron’s gotta’ start dunkin’ on mofos.

6. When you can tell that someone has screwed up but you were checking out @ABikiniADay on Instagram:

“Well, that’s not how you’re going to win this game.”

It might have been a turn over, a foul, or a missed shot, but whatever it was you completely missed it and you gotta’ catch up.

7. If the score is above 90 points before the last quarter (there are four of those, btw):

“Pretty sweet defense, huh?”

To be stated very sarcastically. We’ll spare you the lengthy details, but just know there’s no reason the score should be this high in the third quarter if actual defense is being played.

8. When Lebron and/or Curry hit a buzzer beater (and it WILL happen at least once):

“CLUUUUUUUUUTCH!”

No, not like the one in your car. Both Lebron and Curry are well known for stepping up when their teams need them most. The definition of “clutch” according to Dictionary.com is: an extremely important or crucial moment of a game.

Whether you’re trying to impress a guy you just met, your boss at a work function, or fit in with your athletic family, just remember, if anyone wants to continue the conversation, just tell them to shut up—you’re watching the game.

For more must-know info on the NBA Finals (like schedules, TV info, and predictions), check out Bleacher Report.

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